Mission: Ridiculous
by rawker-demyx
Summary: Just a twisted, KH adaptation of the events of tonight. And, yes, I have to be up at 6am and wrote this instead of sleep. I hope you find it rather humorous. The story does contain ZEMYX and mentions of shounen-ai, but nothing too raunchy.


Title: "Mission: Ridiculous"

Author: rawker-demyx

Rating: PG-13 – Language

Pairing?: ZEMYX!

Notes: This is, unfortunately, a twisted, KH version of the real events of tonight. If you're interested, the real situation translates as:

1 Zexion: me (sorry, there's no Demyx equivalent in the real story…any applicants?)

2 Leather pants: jeans

3 Hollow Bastion: Baltimore, Maryland

4 Zexion's government office building: Space Telescope Science Institute (affiliated with NASA, hence the need for security and badges and such)

The rest is fairly accurate.

Disclaimer: Square-Enix owns Kingdom Hearts stuff. MGM owns Stargate Atlantis (just a reference in the story). I own the insanity that spawned this.

--

"Hey, Demyx?" Zexion called from their room. The blond rocker looked towards the bedroom door from his vantage point on the couch. "Have you seen my cell phone charger?"

Demyx pondered this question, his tongue sticking out of his mouth a little bit as he looked completely around the living while never getting up off the couch. "Nope!"

The next moment was almost surreal as a teddy bear zoomed by Demyx's face and smashed against the wall while he heard a strained shout of, "ARGH! WHERE'S MY DAMN CHARGER?!" Demyx sighed a little bit and went to the bedroom to find his boyfriend sitting in the middle of the floor, chaos strewn about him, and a vacant expression upon his face as he stared at the ceiling.

The taller boy sat down on the carpet next to Zexion, facing his right shoulder, and looked at him for a moment until launching himself at his lover, wrapping his long arms around him, and pinning him to the ground before asking, "Why do you need it so badly?"

A small puff of air escaped the slate haired boys lips, flaring his bangs a little, as he now stared forward at one of the bedroom walls, his body sandwiched between the "MullHawked" boy and the floor. "I told you, work is sending me on an assignment tomorrow and I need a way to keep in touch with the world."

"Ah," was the simple response that he got from his tall boyfriend. They sat in physical comfort while Zexion's mind raced considering all of the possibilities as to where his cell phone charger might be located. And that's when the blond said something that made Zexion snap.

The words "When was the last time you remember seeing it?" were barely out of the blond's mouth when the smaller boy knocked him off from his position on top of him and pinned him to the wall.

"If I knew that, then it wouldn't be missing, now would it?!" He yelled.

Demyx squeaked a little bit at the sudden turn of events, then smirked and kissed the tip of Zexion's nose. "Whatever you say, Sexy Zexy." There was a pause while Demyx once again wrapped his arms around his lover, this time pulling the shorter boy into his lap and resting his own back against the wall. "Don't you charge you phone in your office sometimes?"

Zexion took a moment to process the words and then his eyes widened with realization. "It's in my office," he whispered.

"Well, then, problem solved!" Demyx announced brightly.

"No," Zexion countered, "not solved." He looked up to the blond and continued, "I have to leave at six in the morning and it takes my cell phone three hours to charge. It's already midnight and, in case you haven't noticed, Hollow Bastion isn't exactly a place you want to go wandering around by yourself at night."

"Well," the blond countered, "I'll go with you, then."

Zexion gave him a deadpan expression in response. "No offense, babe, but you're not much better in the way of protection than just going alone."

While something like that would normally offend someone else, Demyx just smiled and accepted it as a fact and said, "Yep, you're probably right." He pondered the situation a little more and then offered, "Well, if we can't muscle our way there," he was interrupted by the smaller boy poking him in the stomach to illustrate his lack of muscle, which elicited a small squeak, then continued, "maybe we should take a stealthy approach."

Zexion quirked an eyebrow at his boyfriend's suggestion, his left one specifically, and asked, "What did you have in mind?" And suddenly he was dumped unceremoniously onto the floor while Demyx rushed to the closet. "Dem?" Zexion asked in a worried voice.

Demyx pulled a couple of things out of a box hidden in the back of the closet, something Zexion had never seen before, and kept the items he took out concealed from Zexion's line of sight. Resigning himself to a doomed fate, Zexion just sat patiently and waited for his boyfriend to finish his enigmatic task.

Facing his boyfriend, the mystery items now hidden behind his back, Demyx smirked and asked, "Are you ready?"

And Zexion replied simply, "Should I be wearing a hazmat suit?"

Demyx gave him a reproachful look and then unveiled the surprise. "Ta da!" What he had revealed were two completely black outfits made up of leather boots, leather pants, a long-sleeve t-shirt, a leather jacket, and a ski cap.

"What the crap is this?" Zexion deadpanned.

"Well," Demyx started his explanation, "I was saving these for Halloween this year thinking we could go as spies, but I guess I'll ruin the surprise so we can use them for tonight."

Zexion stared at the blond for a moment before saying, "Demyx. It is the middle of August in Hollow Bastion. Even at night, it's eighty degrees outside. I'm not wearing that."

"Oh yeah?" The blond countered.

"Yeah." Zexion said back.

And that's when the taller boy pounced and pinned the slate haired boy to the ground, his hands grabbing at Zexion's clothes and ripping them off. After several rather undignified minutes, with only moderate fondling involved, Zexion was dressed in his "spy" outfit. If he was going to suffer through this fresh, new hell, then he figured he would at least be entertained a little bit and watched his boyfriend change into his outfit. It was around that time that the next door neighbors heard someone shout "YOU'RE GOING COMMANDO?!"

"Well," Demyx responded, "we are kind of like commandos tonight. Seems appropriate." And then he winked at the shorter boy. Zexion blushed in response and went to grab the keys to the apartment as well as his work identification badge.

Forty-five minutes and some "adult snuggling" later, the two left the apartment and headed towards the elevator to go down to the ground floor. While Zexion simply walked down the hallway, albeit with a bit of a limp, Demyx decided to remain in character and edged along the wall.

"You look ridiculous." Zexion called to him, refusing to look in his direction.

"No, I look in character." The blond countered. "You look ridiculous dressed as a commando spy who acts like a normal person." Sometimes Zexion wondered about his lover's sanity.

The two made their way out of the building and onto the street. "You'll have to remind me how to get there." Demyx said.

"Just follow me, I'll lead the way." Zexion told him. He was, however, immediately shoved backward.

"No, I'll take point! You watch my six!" The blond whispered urgently.

Zexion sighed. "You really need to stop watching so much Stargate Atlantis."

"Be quiet, McKay!" The blond hissed.

Zexion gasped in an offended manner. "Am not!" But, he accepted that Demyx was insane and told him, "Cross the street and then turn left. Then turn right on the first street we come to."

"Understood!"

The two continued on in silence for some minutes until they saw a shadowy figure approaching them from the direction in which they were walking. Zexion was suddenly catapulted to the right and into a row of bushes. "Son of a—!" and the rest was muffled as a hand covered his mouth. Once Demyx had checked and verified that the area was clear, he removed his hand and helped Zexion stand up. The slate haired boy simply glared at him, punched him hard in the arm, and the two continued on their way, the taller boy rubbing his now sore appendage.

Using Zexion's directions, the two commando spies continued through the city. They didn't encounter any more people, but that was somewhat expected as they were headed away from the center of nightlife in Hollow Bastion. Still, that meant that the possibility of encountering a shady character during their mission was undesirably high due to the lack of passersby.

Finally, the couple arrived at the office building. Demyx immediately turned to Zexion when the building came into sight and asked, "So, how are we breaking in?"

Zexion seethed, "You ARE insane!" He composed himself and continued, "We're not breaking in. We're going through the front entrance and I'm showing the guard my badge, then we're heading to my office. I don't want to go to jail tonight for breaking into a government facility."

Demyx pouted. "You're no fun."

"Fine," Zexion replied, "no more sex for you."

Demyx immediately changed his attitude. "But I like the smex! I'll behave."

So they crossed the street and walked up to the entrance of the building. Zexion swiped his badge, which doubled as a key card, in front of the sensor and unlocked the door. The two then walked up to the security desk and Zexion showed the guard his identification. The man at the desk gave them a strange look but accepted Zexion's credentials and allowed them sign in and continue on their way upstairs.

When they got to Zexion's office, the shorter of the pair checked the power strip next to his desk and immediately found the cell phone charger. "Got it!"

"Yes!" Demyx cheered. "Mission accomplished." And he smiled brightly at his boyfriend. However, Zexion noticed the blond's gaze lingering and became a bit wary.

"What is it? Is there something on me or something?" He asked.

"Nope…just noticing how beautiful you are." Was the response he got. Zexion smiled back at how sweet his boyfriend could be.

"I love how wonderfully weird you can be." He told the taller boy and then pushed himself up on his toes and kissed the boy on the lips.

"And I love how you have this pretty much empty desk."

Zexion's eyes went wide and he backed away, "Oh, no! We already did that once tonight, and I don't want to risk my job!"

"Fine, fine…" was all Demyx said with a dejected look on his face.

"Sunday night, you, me, and the leather jackets," Zexion said as he walked out of the office. A bright and cheerful Demyx followed him out almost immediately but bumped into the shorter boy as soon as he entered the corridor. "As long as we can be out of character on the way home."

"You got it, Zexy," Demyx said and flashed that brilliant smile of his.

The two lovers linked hands and left the building together on their way home.

--

Reviews, yes? Please? I like? This is the first thing I've written in a while…but, my excuse is that I was GRADUATING FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA!! So, I think that's excusable. It's a bit shorter than I usually like to write, but it's only a one-shot and based on true events, so there's only so much I can do with it I think. Let me know what you think though.


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